


All Or Nothing

by Sarina_Hawke_Theirin



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst, F/M, Romance, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-09
Updated: 2016-03-09
Packaged: 2018-05-25 17:17:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6204022
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sarina_Hawke_Theirin/pseuds/Sarina_Hawke_Theirin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaiden confronts Shepard about the fact that she has been distant since Thane's death. One shot based on the O-Town song, "All Or Nothing".</p>
            </blockquote>





	All Or Nothing

 

"Shepard, I think we need to talk."

The commander, who had been busying herself going over messages at the terminal on her desk, turned her chair. "What's up, Kaidan?"

The major hesitated for a moment before taking a deep breath. "I just need to know where you see this thing between us going."

Her brow furrowed. "What do you mean?"

Kaidan scratched the side of his head. "I mean, are we lovers? Friends with benefits? Just friends?"

"Why are you asking me this?"

"Look, I know I was an asshole to you when we met on Horizon during the whole Collector thing. And then on Mars, I questioned your loyalty. I understand you were angry with me, but I thought we moved past all that."

She shrugged. "We did."

"It just seems that you've been, well...distant, for the past couple of weeks."

"I've just got a lot on my mind."

"I think it's more than that" he argued. "Ever since that drell died…"

"His name was Thane" she corrected with irritation in her voice.

"Okay, ever since Thane died, you've seemed to have put up a wall…a wall you won't let me through."

Shepard sat back and closed her eyes for a long moment before she finally looked at Kaidan again. "What do you want me to say? Thane was very special to me and I can't just forget about what he and I shared."

"I'm not asking you to forget about him Shepard. I understand that he was a big part of your life for a while, but ever since his death it feels like you're pushing me away."

She stared down at her hands, silent as the grave. Kaidan could see her chest rise and fall with every deep, shuddering breath and he could tell she was doing her best not to cry. "I'm sorry" she finally whispered.

"For pushing me away or for caring more about him than me?"

"Yes" she croaked.

He sighed heavily. "I care about you, Shepard. Hell, I love you. I've tried to deny that fact for a long time, but I can't anymore. But no matter how much I love you, I can't compete with a ghost. I know it's harsh and I know it's probably not fair so soon after his death, but that's the truth of it. Your heart's either in this relationship or it isn't. I need to know that I'm number one in your life or we should just end it now and save us both a lot of heartache in the end."

When her eyes finally met his, they were glistening. A tear trickled down her cheek as she shook her head. "You're right. This isn't fair to either of us. I should have known when you first came back to the Normandy this wasn't going to work. What we had…we can't go back there. The terrible truth of the matter is that ever since Thane died, I've been running on autopilot, going through the motions. The only thing keeping me going right now is my duty to the galaxy and winning this war. Once that's done, there will be nothing left for me except the knowledge that the man I love is waiting for me across the sea."

Kaidan blinked several times in an attempt to let her words register. He had a feeling she was going to tell him it was over, but he never imagined it would hurt that badly. He gulped back his own tears. "Well," he managed, "I guess there's nothing more to say."

"No, there's not" she concurred. "I just hope this won't affect our ability to work together. I'll get you a transfer if you want."

"I'd rather stay on the Normandy, if it's all the same to you Commander."

She cleared her throat then nodded, once again donning the mask she wore so well. "Thank you, Major. You're a valuable asset to the team. I'm glad to know we won't lose you."

Without another word, she swiveled her chair to face the terminal at her desk once again, leaving Kaidan to dismiss himself. If only his heart could dismiss his feelings for her so easily.


End file.
